So this tip really isn’t tiny at all, because even being aware of what we’re thinking is hard. Thoughts come so constantly, so incessantly, that it can feel as though we are passive in the process, like the thoughts are just coming and we have nothing to do with how they got there.
But (one of my favorite truths I have ever learned): YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
Yes, we all absorb conditioned thoughts and ideas about ourselves and our lives based on the cultures and families we grew up in. But no matter who you are or how you grew up, YOU are the only one who thinks inside your head.
Even still, that doesn’t mean that all your thoughts are true. Your thoughts are just thoughts. You might think, “I should go for a run this morning.” “I should eat some of those office donuts Carol brought in.” “I’m no good at anything and the bosses will soon find out.” “I’ll probably never find a partner.” “I could make a better movie than that guy.” “I am too old/too young to do that.” And so on and so on.
Just because you think it doesn’t make it true.
Once you get used to being aware of your thoughts, you can choose which ones to invest in. This is not easy and takes constant practice, but it’s worth it because you can make yourself feel so much better, more content and more empowered.
For example: I’ve been recovering from dental surgery for the past week, and yesterday morning, I had the thought: “Dang, I think my depression is coming back. I should to go to the doctor.” And my VERY NEXT THOUGHT was, “You know, you haven’t exercised for a week because of this dental surgery, and that always gets you down. Maybe go get moving?”
I decided to invest in the second thought rather than the first. It took a lot of energy, but I went out rollerskating and felt much better. While I was outside, I tried to tune into the trees and fresh air (and not falling) and thoughts of my depression having returned faded away.
I’m not saying that clinically depressed people can cure themselves by going rollerskating (wouldn’t that be great?), but that being aware of your thoughts and investing in the ones that make you feel good rather than bad can seriously impact your mood.
Part of what meditation is all about is getting underneath your thoughts, getting familiar with your patterns of thinking and how your mind works so it becomes easier to let go of thoughts that don’t serve you well.
Our thoughts constitute our reality in so many ways. My high school psychology teacher, Mr. Zartman, used to always say, “Perception is reality.” And it’s true. But it’s also true that YOU have agency over what you are thinking. It’s not easy to be aware of your thoughts or change them, but YOU are the only one who can.
This is a constant effort for me, but yesterday I had such a moment of clarity. I could have believed my first thought, called a doctor and lamented the return of my depression (which SUUUUUCKS), or I could believe the subsequent thought, which said, “Go get some exercise and you’ll feel better.” I’m so glad I invested in that second thought rather than the first, because I had fun rollerskating and was no longer worried about being depressed. (Plus many studies have shown that regular exercise is as effective as antidepressants for some people.)
So today, see if you can notice your thoughts and try to give more weight to the ones that make you feel good, and I will do the same!!
You can find other tiny tips here.