Last month, I launched the Self-Love Challenge, with the goal of finding something different to love about myself each day in May. Bonus points, I said, if you say them out loud in the mirror.
I didn’t say any of them in the mirror. Maybe the first day, like, whispered. But that was it.
This challenge was SO MUCH HARDER than I’d anticipated. After years of therapy and one zillion self-help books, I thought I’d nailed the self-love thing. Oh, I was so wrong.
I did keep a list, but had a tough time coming up with things to love about myself. And for days at a time I wouldn’t add anything to the list. Then I’d stew about it and think Fuck there must be some other things to love about myself and in a flurry write down two or three. Ultimately, my list for the 31 days in May has 24 entries. One of them may be a duplicate.
The best thing that came out of this Self-Love Challenge for me is that I miraculously stopped drinking because of it. Five or six days into the Self-Love Challenge, I came across an interview with a woman I’d never heard of named Annie Grace (she was a guest on this podcast series I’d signed up for) who’d created something called the Alcohol Experiment.
I’ve had an on and off relationship with alcohol, but mostly on. I started drinking when I was in high school, and I’d gotten sick enough times that when I got to college, I was ready for a break. I stayed away from alcohol during my university years (and smoked pot instead).
I did plenty of drinking while working as a cocktail waitress to support my writing habit. And when I finally became a “real” writer as a professional journalist, I found alcohol an inherent part of the culture. I loved Bukowski, a beautiful writer and famous drunk.
It took a while to get to the point of near-daily drinking, where I could easily polish off a bottle of wine alone and consider going out for another. I noticed that when I went out with friends, I would regularly have three drinks to their two.
That’s about where I was when I started this Alcohol Experiment, and it’s been amazing. It’s a free program, you just have to provide an email address. Annie sends a video and written lesson each day about habits and the science of how alcohol affects the body and brain. It’s not the 12 steps and it’s totally straightforward, and for me it’s inspired the longest alcohol-free stretch I can remember since college.
As far as the Self-Love Challenge goes, giving myself a break from booze has been a pretty loving gesture, so I’m calling it a win!