The first week of the UC Berkeley’s Science of Happiness course was all about defining happiness and why it’s worth seeking.
Week two centers on the biology of connection: how humans are hard-wired to make deep social-emotional connections with one another, and how these close relationships contribute to overall happiness.
Work prevented me from bingeing the whole week’s material in one day like I did for week one, but here are my takeaways so far, about 2/3 the way through week two:
— Social connections are a key element of human evolution. Professor Dacher Keltner says humans are an “ultrasocial” species. The evidence, he says, is the way we take care of our vulnerable offspring and other vulnerable creatures; how we’re naturally inclined to share resources and resolve conflicts; and how “hypercoordinated” we are behaviorally, in that we imitate the behaviors (yawning, laughing) of others in our group. The human tendency toward what Keltner calls “fragile monogamy” is also evidence of ultrasocial behavior.
— Human beings evolved to connect in more profound ways than our primate predecessors. Keltner explains the Vagus nerve, a sort of mind-body nexus that helps human beings communicate, and says compassion is wired into our nervous systems. Our brains also produce Oxytocin, also known as “the cuddle hormone,” which allows for the human capacities of trust, devotion and kindness.
— Touch is critical to human survival.
Keltner says we live in a “touch-starved” culture, though myriad studies show that touch is an essential human communication tool and critical to bonding, health and happiness. What a great reason to give someone you love a hug right now!
–– Scientists can predict what causes divorce.Keltner cited research that identified the relationship attitudes/communication approaches between couples most likely to split:
- Contempt: When you look down on your partner.
- Criticism: When your first tendency is to find fault with your partner.
- Stonewalling: When one partner shuts down conversation.
- Defensiveness: Counterpunching rather than hearing your partner out.
— Scientists also know what attitudes and approaches make couples happier.
- Humor helps: Couples who have funny nicknames for each other or engage in playful teasing fare better over time.
- Gratitude: Expressing appreciation for and to your partner makes couples happier.
- Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges, recognizing that human beings make mistakes and applying this to your partner.
- Disclosure: Accept emotional disclosures from your partner without judgment.
(That’s all I’ve been able to cover of week two’s lesson so far. Each week has a lot of material!! I’ve yet to get through the rest of the relationships section, which includes parenting and friendship. Then there is another multipart section on empathy. I’ll update this post when I complete it =hopefully= but wanted to get it out meanwhile. I’m trying to stick to a self-imposed schedule here, people!!)